MURP

Manager / Acting Coach

“I handle all the booking and stuff like that. I get 10% of everything even if I don’t do anything. When you’re a manager, it’s important to have 2 cell phones. When I got the second cell phone… that’s when I knew I had made something of my life.

I’m also a renowned acting coach. Over 5,000 students have taken my introductory online course: HOW TO SAY THE SAME WORD DIFFERENT WAYS. I’m co-chair of a celebrity run charity called ACT LIKE YOU CARE, which generously donates over $2.5 million a year to topical causes. FUN FACT: I have auditioned to play the Joker in every major film production that features the character… I’ve never made it past the 2nd callback. Don’t give up on your dreams.”

BLURP

Content Creator / Creative Consultant

“It’s safe to say that I’ve had my fin on every project we’ve produced. When things are funny, poignant, touching… that’s me. That’s the Blurp Touch ©.

My ABC Family sitcom BLURP’S TALE is currently in development. It’s been in development for 3 years now, but you know how it goes in Hollywood. In the show, I play a ‘loose’ interpretation of myself as I navigate the wins and losses of being an undiscovered screenwriter in LA. I incorporate my funny and ‘off-beat’ everyday experiences into my screenplays and hope for the best. I also have an interview show called BLURP IN THE BOX where I talk to other delusional, broke hobbyists posing as artists.”

DERP

Chief Financial Officer / Investor

“I’ve always loved money. When I didn’t have any money, I wanted more. When I started making really good money in Hollywood, I wanted even more. People say life is about moderation and caution the dangers of excess, but I have never found this to be true for money.

I’m a smaller version of Murp and I was definitely interested in acting at one point in my life. But once I flipped my first house and saw a 40% return on my investment, I kind of gave up on acting. Maybe it gave up on me? I’m currently writing a book about planning for retirement. It’s called DON’T COUNT ON IT: HOW THE GOVERNMENT DRAINED SOCIAL SECURITY TO RESCUE WALL STREET. Please make all payments to ‘Fish Tank LLC’ or if it’s a one time cash payment under $600 it can go directly to me.”

BURP

Small Version of Blurp / Janitorial

“I believe in paying your dues, starting from the bottom, and working your way up. I know it’s not a glamorous job, but someone has to clean the toilets and take out the trash. You wouldn’t think a bunch of stuffed seals would produce so much waste, but it’s alarming. I try to make suggestions at staff meetings, but I’m starting to think these seals don’t have ears.

I would like to take this opportunity to say, ‘If it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down.’ But yellow can definitely mellow for too long and start to smell. So ya know… keep an eye on that... Just try not to be a disgusting wasteful person, there are lots of other Burps out there who have to clean up after you. Don’t give up on your dreams.”

PRINCESS

Social Media Director / Teenager

“I’m basically on Social Media all day anyway, so it made sense for me to ‘manage’ that part of the business. I’m always reading blogs on how to increase your followers or get more engagement. Like… did you know… people like cute selfies? Another good strategy is to LIKE every single thing you see, that way you are always popping up in people’s notifications. I’m still learning.

I’m also really into TikTok prank videos. I like the ones where people destroy your cell phone, watch you get mad, and then instantly replace it with a new one. It’s funny when the people ALMOST get beat up. Am I bad a person? Social media is fun. It’s a window into humanity’s darkest impulses.”